Bite me....

I am generally not one to dwell on my medical situations as there is no real point, but occasionally it humours me to share the latest antics of my body. We converse frequently, my body and I, and sometimes harsh words are spoken....but this time I laughed...out loud.

Anyone who has followed my blog will be aware of my spiffy little run-in with breast cancer (I'm still winning by the way...it can f**k off and leave my stripy ass - well tit - alone!) which forces me to deal with the delights of Tamoxifen (like being in a menopause of sorts, complete with hot flashes, chills, cramping extremities and.....assertiveness..).

But I also have a few other things on the go including being HLA B27+, which courts such fun as iritis (inflamed eyes - requiring dilation of the pupil so you look like a malfunctioning terminator...in public), dry eyes, and ankylosing spondilitis (a form of arthritis which 'flares' regularly and could culminate in some of my bones 'setting' like brittle concrete - though how mine will develop is yet to be known, it may get no worse than it is so that's a good thing :))

Add this to being gluten and dairy intolerant and caffeine and yeast sensitive though and things get a little tiresome. Oh, and I mustn't forget my misbehaving internal girly bits that have now qualified me for a hysterectomy in the next 3-6 months (Yippee!).

Despite all this fun and shenanigans however, I go to the gym and do pretty much what other people do as I can. And I frequently remind myself that many many people deal with stuff a lot worse than my little random collection of conditions. But that doesn't mean I feel inclined to add to the list!

Picture this...

Two weeks ago, I'm hanging out at my mate's place helping with some furniture rearranging and such when I start to feel a little..peculiar....like I'm exercising hard core but standing still. I mention this to her (she just happens to be a nurse) and go to lie down for 20 minutes. I still feel rather 'racy' and short of breath so without sitting up I pathetically wave my hand in the air and ask my friend to take my pulse...it's over 100 (my normal resting pulse rate  - as taken at the gym 2 days earlier - is in the 60's where it should be, and my blood pressure was also fine at 121/68).

Well this was a tad disconcerting...

As I had had a very stressful weekend however, I just put it down to that and my body slowly settled down over the next couple of days until I was back to normal. I thought nothing more of it until about a week later; I was at the gym with another friend when she said: "Good God what did you do to your leg?!!" This was a very good question for being the observant type that I am, I had managed to completely miss a (very impressive I must say) bruise the size of your average tomato on the back of my calf and another smaller one further up.

WTF? Who misses shit like that?

Anyway, the larger bruise also had a clear spot in the middle and it occurred to me that some small arachnid had possibly tried to execute my demise by stuffing its fangs into my tender person. The little sod.

So I thought I better mosey along to my local pharmacy and run my brilliant deduction by someone who was qualified enough to ascertain whether it was brilliant or not.

As it turned out, it was a little more brilliant than I planned.

"So what you're saying is..."I eyed the pharmacist warily "is that had that spider (or whatever it was) chewed on me a bit higher up...say near my neck or head...things may not have gone so well?"

"Exactly...the swelling could well have blocked your airway and and you could have died."

This is the part where I laughed...and as this was not my regular pharmacist so she knew nothing of all my other conditions and medication, the bemused look on her face only fed my mirth.

"I would definitely suggest you see your doctor and consider carrying an EpiPen."

An EpiPen...(unsubsidised in New Zealand so costing between $120 to $190 - with a shelf life of only 12-15 months) ...for my newly discovered, potentially fatal, allergy to an unknown biting thing.

I have pondered...mused even...about this over the last few days, and have decided I only have one thing to say at this point:

"Body?....COULD YA KNOCK IT OFF NOW!!!"