A boat for Lil Blondie

My child is not what you would call particularly 'girlie'.

Though I'm not into labels all that much - so shy away from the term 'tomboy' - I have no problem recognising that her interests transcend the unfortunate 'gender norms' still reinforced by the gender-specific garbage marketing rife on today's children's television.

You see Lil Blondie has a slight obsession: at the ripe old age of 5 3/4: she wants to build a boat. And not just any boat...a frickin' great ship what shoots things, carries passengers and even has a helipad - musn't forget the helipad.

And she wants to do it all on her 6th birthday in June.

Now believe me, I am secretly delighted that although my little girl happily wears pink and loves kittens (she can choose whatever she wishes), she is also Ben 10's number one fan and is not afraid of the concept of blowing the crap out of something.

But none of this helps me build a boat...

Sorry, I mean ship.

But I know I have to at least try and delay her desires a little as I don't really have a Titanic's worth of boat-building materials laying around at my disposal. But how?! It's not like she's even remotely interested in the ballet classes her older sister wants her to do!

My first attempt involved going for the model kind...you know with pop out cardboard bits and such. I saw one in the Avon catalogue of all places and wondered if it just might suffice...at least until she went onto something else. When it arrived, away for Christmas it went. Come Christmas morning, the slim unwrapped gift drew a bemused stare. "It's a boat" I said, smiling. The stare shifted from bemused to 'are you shittin' me, coz that's one damn skinny boat!?'

Supposedly, according to the packet, a 5-year-old could have put this thing together....pfft, well I'd love to meet the little twerp! It would have to be one of those smart-ass prodigy kids that was completing the Rubic's Cube while still in triangular trousers and tossing up between between fixing the family car or building a new doghouse just for recreation by the age of four, because I'm thirty-God-damned-seven and I was swearing incredulously after five minutes! It had no less than 5 sheets of pop out bits, and most of them were not what I would call large.

Eventually, however, with the Blonde one checking in on me periodically, the 'HMS Morfolk' was born. Complete with guns, tower thingie and yes, even a helipad.

This should do her I thought and proudly presented her with my creation. I pointed out all the various bits and pieces and patted her on the head saying: "Yay, now you have a boat!"

"Oh that's a very nice boat, Mum, but mine's gonna be much bigger than that!"

Crap...this could be trickier than I thought.

Time for Plan B...

"So what sort of job do think you could do to work on a boat?" I asked

Through her furrowed brow I could almost hear the cogs whirring as she entertained the options.

"I could be a pirate!" :D

Right...

After discussing the logistics and legalities of such a career choice and the possible unfortunate outcomes to both self and others we decided against that one and instead analysed some more acceptable avenues such as going into the Navy, becoming a diver to explore old ship-wreaks or conduct wildlife research, and working on a cruise liner.

After further thought, though, her face lit up: "What about the helicopter, maybe I could fly in the helicopter?!"

We had discussed helicopters and their occupants before. This was working better than I thought!

"You certainly can sweetheart! Flying a helicopter would be a cool job!"

"Oh I don't want to fly it" she corrected me; "I want to ride in the back of it like the crewman does."

"Well that would be great too!" I encouraged

"Hmmm" she murmured half to herself: "You know what I need now though?"

"Well I think, just from a Mummy's perspective, you need to study hard at school and make sure you grow up really strong and healthy."

"Yes, yes' I know all that!" she dismissed impatiently, "but what I really need....

She pointed her finger firmly in the air and put on her 'earnest face'.

...is practice!!

I didn't like where this conversation was heading.

"And lots of it!"

You know what's coming next

"We need to build a helicopter, Mum!" She said matter-of-factly.

"Oh do we now!" I spluttered. Though I should have seen it coming...this was not panning out well for Team Mummy at all. :"Oh so I suppose you want to build THAT on your birthday now?"

"No silly, we're building the boat on that day remember"

Huh?!?!

"Well what else am I gonna park my helicopter on?!

Where the hell is that ballet brochure....